Still here!

Hey, I know I posted a while back that the Fall Semester would be lighter and I'd have more time. I even wanted to write a second story. Funny thing..I hadn't made my schedule yet when I posted that. There was a change in plans and I'm actually taking more classes than I originally planned. So that means less free time. I will also start working soon so that's even less time :( I REALLY wanted to finish this story. It means more to me than my first, this one is more personal to me. But I really don't know when I'll have the time. And I have to pretty much "create" my sims again (that's a whole other story in itself). I just don't know what I'm going to do, but I didn't want to leave the readers hanging. When I know for sure if I'll continue, I will let you all know. I will still read your amazing stories though :)

Chapter Twenty: Let it go Pt. 2

Veronica nervously took her seat across from Shane and Kathy. She wished she could have simply slipped away and into her bedroom, but that wasn't going to be. 

"Veronica how was your experience? Tell us all about it." Kathy inquired. Shane and her looked over at Veronica, curiously, as they waited for her response.

"Um.." Veronica said and rubbed her hands across her thighs. She was nervous and her palms were beginning to feel clammy. 

"It was nice. I enjoyed seeing my family." Veronica said as if she was reading a script. 

It wasn't a total lie, she did enjoy seeing her family and spending time with them. It was the happiest time she had in a long time. 

"And how did they react to seeing you? Were they happy? Shocked?" Kathy went on. 

Veronica was beginning to feel like this was more of an interrogation than a therapy session, but she played along nonetheless. 

"They were happy. It's good to know they have my back, that they are supporting me." Veronica answered. 

Kathy nodded her head, she was pleased with Veronica's answers even though she really hadn't said much. 

"Good. That will get you through your time here, your families love and support. Did it encourage you?" Kathy went on.

"Yes, actually. I really enjoyed seeing my son--my children I mean. The youngest, Malcolm, he was filled with such joy. It warmed my heart. He's so young but still he filled me with the strength I need to go on." Veronica explained. She didn't want to fully open up about her visit, but here she was after all pouring her heart out. With a small white lie in the mix. 

"Good good. You ladies have a good night, your first day of work starts tomorrow." Kathy said and clasp her hands together happily. She waved and headed towards her room. 

Veronica and Shane took turns showering and getting ready for bed. After they were all dressed and their teeth were brushed, they were setting their alarms for their big day tomorrow. 

Shane clicked her teeth and shook her head as she crossed her arms. Veronica eyed her suspiciously as the other woman stood in front of her. She found herself crossing her own arms and shooting her brows up questioningly. 

"So was that everything that happened?" Shane asked. Veronica maintained her questioning expression and said nothing. 

"In there." Shane said simply and nodded her head towards the living room. 

"What are you talking about?" Veronica asked. 

"I can read people, I'm pretty good at it." Shane said and placed one hand on her hip. "And you..girl you're lying about something." Shane said with a smirk, as if she was daring Veronica to deny it. 

"I still don't know what you're talking about." Veronica said. 

"Come in. I don't snitch, tell me." Shane practically begged. 

Veronica sighed. She hadn't actually done anything wrong. Would it really be so bad to tell Shane everything? They were roommates after all. 

"Okay so I wasn't completely honest." Veronica confessed.

"Ohh I knew it. Spill it." Shane urged. 

"I went to a bar." Veronica confessed. 

Shane sucked in air and her eyes widen. 

"What? You must have held back." Shane said and began studying her closely.

"Well I went there, but I didn't go in. I couldn't." Veronica quickly explained. She didn't need Shane getting the wrong idea. 

"Uh huh, sure. What else?" Shane inquired. 

Damn, she's worse than Kathy with these questions. Veronica thought. She found herself coming clean to Shane. She told her how she felt tempted to go inside and how it took every inch of her not to give in. She also shared how heart broken she was when Jeremy didn't show up.

"You're better than me." Shane commented when Veronica was finished. She had crossed her arms again and was shaking her head.

"Huh?" Veronica said. 

"Your son. He is disrespectful. Does he know what you're doing? How hard this is?" Shane said, her voice rising slightly. She shook her head again. "Couldn't be me..my kids would never do that." 

"He has his reasons..' Veronica said softly. 

"Oh I'm sorry I thought you carried him for 9 months not the other way around. Kids now are so ungrateful!" Shane said as her temper continued spiking. 

"He has his reasons, good ones." Veronica repeated somewhat louder. 

"No he doesn't. You are here getting clean, so you can be the best mama you can be and he didn't even show up?" Shane went on. "No screw that. He needs his ass kicked." 

"I wasn't the best mother to him you know? I made my mistakes, plenty. And I don't blame him for not showing up. I wouldn't have either if I were him." Veronica said, her own voice beginning to rise.

 She was afraid of Shane. She had a personality that just naturally screamed "fear me" but Veronica couldn't sit idly by and take much more of this. Not when she was borderline insulting her son. 

"Don't defend him. You should be pissed off!" Shane said and narrowed her eyes.

"You don't know my son, hell you don't know me." Veronica said and found herself standing up. 

"I don't know what you've been telling yourself, but I'm being honestly with myself for the first time in a long time. I was a shitty mother, a shitty person in general. I got high, I drunk practically anything that gave me a good buzz and slept with so many guys that I don't even know who my youngest son's father is! I was a horrible person. But I'm not her anymore. And you need to realize something, you aren't perfect either! Because guess what, you're here with me." Veronica shouted. Shane stepped back slightly, shock spreading across her face. 

"We all do shit we're not proud of. Don't you dare tell me I haven't owned up to my demons, like you said. I'm here too." Shane stated. 

"You still don't get it do you? Are you that full of it?" Veronica screamed. She had had it with Shane. 

"I did whatever I wanted. I wasn't a perfect mother like you." Veronica said, the second bit was sarcastic humor. A final jab at Shane. 

"You bitch. You don't know shit about me or how I raised my kids! I did whatever I had to do for them. I didn't go around getting my rocks off for fun like you did!" Shane began exploding too. 

"Of course, because you're the best mother in the damn world. So great that you're in a half-way house instead of raising your children! How many do you have again?" Veronica said mockingly. 

"You wanna go bitch? Let's go." Shane said in a challenging way. 

Veronica was contemplating taking Shane up on her offer when the door suddenly swung open. 

"Ladies!" Kathy screamed at the top of her longs as she stood in front of the two women. 

"What is going on?!" She screamed at the two of them.

"Why don't you ask Mother Theresa over there?" Veronica said. 

"You better get her!" Shane yelled threateningly. She was seeing red and wouldn't stop until she was pounding Veronica's face in. 

"Veronica, living room now! Shane you too...separately." Kathy commanded. 

"What happened?" Kathy demanded as she watched the two women sit down. 

Veronica glared at Shane before taking her seat. 

"Go ahead, lie again bitch." Shane said and yawned. 

"Lie?" Kathy repeated. "What is she talking about Veronica?" 

"I didn't lie...exactly." Veronica answered. 

"You went to a bar!" Shane yelled. 

Veronica's mouth practically dropped on the floor. So much for not snitching.

"You did what?" Kathy inquired. 

"Thanks a lot." Veronica told Shane. 

"She didn't go in, but still..the bitch lied." Shane blurted out. 

"Why are you upset Shane?" Kathy said. She forgotten about Veronica's dishonesty for a moment and turned her attention to Shane, who now had tears coming down her face.

"I hate her!" Shane yelled. 

Kathy waited for Shane to finish, she was clearly not done. 

Shane angrily wiped away at her tears. 

"People like her don't deserve to be mothers. She put everything before her kids, who does that? A selfish bitch that's who! And that's who she is." Shane spat out and pointed at Veronica. Veronica looked guilty. She couldn't deny that Shane's words weren't true so she sat there, hanging her head low and feeling ashamed. 

"This isn't about Veronica." Kathy stated. Shane looked at her, looking lost. 

"It is!" Shane insisted. 

Kathy shook her head. 

"Who hurt you?" Kathy asked softly. 

Shane looked taken back, thrown off guard. She wanted to deny Kathy's assumption. She wanted to tell her that she was all wrong and this wasn't about her personal feelings, but she couldn't. Kathy could obviously read people well too. 

Shane's shoulders began to shake and it wasn't soon before the tears began streaming down her face uncontrollably. 

Kathy jumped out of her seat following Shane. She wasn't sure rather she should comfort her or let her cry it out. She needed to get her emotions out, emotions she had bottled up for God knows how long. 

"My mother.." Shane chocked out in between her tears. "I got knocked up when I was 17. I was scared, but I knew she'd be there you know?" Shane explained slowly. "But you know what?..She continued crying. 

"Go on." Kathy urged. She was breaking down, but it was a good thing. It was part of her break through. 

"I was fooling myself! She never cared about me, ever. She only cared about men and their money." Shane said. Her breakdown continued. Kathy reached out to her and slowly began patting her shoulder for a short time.

"She kicked me out." Shane said. "But my boyfriend said it was okay..that we were gonna be okay and I believed that." Shane continued. She shook her head. "We got some shit hole apartment on the wrong side of town. He worked at the grocery store but he wasn't making anything. We weren't ready for a kid.." 

"I had no choice but to get on welfare, I got any aid I could because I had to. We needed it. He hated it, he said that he could provide for his family but he was dreaming. He began drinking. I don't know why, I guess he felt like a failure, like less of a man." Shane continued to explain through her tears. 

"After the baby was born I got a job. Things were a little better with the extra income or so I hoped. But they got worse! He became an alcoholic and he'd yell at me constantly. It wasn't long before the beatings came. I thought I was gonna die..

But I got the strength to leave the day he tried to hit my baby girl. That's where I drew the line. I waited until he left to go get hammered and I ran and never looked back. I got a job at a strip club to support us and that's where I met my ex-husband. 

He took me away from all of that, we had kids together but he was no saint. He popped pills and threw back bottles left and right. It wasn't soon before I followed his footsteps." Shane finished. She had no more words, only tears.

**Hey so sorry. It's harder than I thought it would be to type Shane's story. It's times like this where I wished I was good at filming in game lol. Hopefully it came across somewhat decent. Shane probably won't get anymore time like this. I just wanted to explain why Shane felt so strongly about Veronica's choices as a mother. She saw her own mother when Veronica confessed how she truly was. So instead of bonding with her, be began to hate her. However, Kathy saw through it, it's her job to after all. 

Chapter Twenty: Let it go Pt. 1

Bridgeport Graveyard, 6:18 P.M.

Jeremy's point of view

 

I know I shouldn't be here. I know I should just go home. 

Home..

Where is home anymore? It seems we've been bouncing from place to place now. The word seemed so distorted now that home seemed to be wherever I laid my head.

Nevertheless I found myself here. At the Bridgeport Cemetery, the place that my grandma would be resting for all eternity. I hadn't been here since she was lowered into the ground. I just couldn't bring myself to come back. It made it all the more real. And right now, I had my fill of reality to last a lifetime. 

Well I was here now. I couldn't turn back even if I wanted to. I owed her this visit and despite my reasons for coming, I was here and that's what mattered. 

As I neared the gate, I couldn't help but stare at the figure out front. The statue seemed to command your attention. As if you had to look at her before passing through, as if you needed her permission. It was nothing special however, just a woman from the waist up. She was arm-less but she didn't look weak. Somehow she looked strong. I quit trying to figure out the hidden meaning and why she was placed there and walked through the iron gates.

I didn't know what to expect when I walked towards the burial site. I do know that I didn't expect to be overwhelmed with such grief. I couldn't explain it, but seeing those two headstones with my grandparents names written across just took everything I had in me. I could do nothing but drop to my knees in despair. 

"Grandma...grandpa" I said in a chocked up whisper. I had never got to meet my grandfather, but I felt bad about not visiting him either. I felt so ashamed. My grandmother had raised Malcolm and I when no one else would, when the people who should have abandoned their responsibility, abandoned us. 

What could I say but sorry at this time? What could I say that would make up for me not coming to see her, to see them? 

I had to be the world's worst grandson, but of course she would never tell me that if she was here. She never allowed me to feel guilty. I don't know why. Maybe because she wanted to protect me, maybe she felt that she had to show double the love because my Mother wasn't there and I had never met my Father.

"Grandma I'm sorry." I said at last. I let the words soak into the air, hoping they'd drift up to Heaven where I knew she had to be. She was an Angel so of course she would be there. 

"I can't tell you why I haven't been back to see you, no reason I could give would make it better. I am just sorry so please forgive me? I couldn't bare it if you hated me." I continued to speak to her.

Although she wasn't physically here I still felt better just by speaking to her. I could almost feel the weight lifting off my shoulders, brick by brick it seemed. 

"I shouldn't be here. No..I should. I should be here, but not now. I shouldn't use you as an excuse to run away. Again..I'm sorry." I said. I was such a fuck up. I was a coward, a disappointment. 

Why couldn't I visit my grandmother like a normal person, why was I here only when I was needing to runaway? She didn't deserve that. She deserved to be shown the same love and care she had shown Malcolm and I all those years. All those years she spent working, taking care of us, sacrificing her life for us. 

"Do you hate me?" I asked. 

She didn't have to be here for me to get an answer. She could never hate me. She would never let me hate myself either. After that moment of realization, I began to stand. It was as if she was talking to me. No, not talking, but chastising me. 

I could see her now, shaking her head but smiling. She would have her hand on her hip telling me to get up before I ruin my jeans to the point of no return. 

I stood and I felt better. I could feel her presence somehow and it relaxed me.

"I never thanked you for all you did. I never knew how much you did for us until I had to step in your shoes." I continued. "You have pretty big shoes to fill Ma'am. I worry that I could never fill them the way you did." 

The wind blew for a moment, but it wasn't cold nor was it hot. It was warm, but it was nice. It was comforting. 

"I have to go home don't I?" I asked and nodded, answering my own question. "I know, I know.."

"Okay. I'm going before you come down here and push me." I said and laughed. I imagined I must look crazy to anyone visiting. Who comes to a grave site and laughs? Well I did apparently. And I didn't care how it might have looked to someone. The outside didn't matter, it was just me and grandma.

I turned to leave, but looked back for a second. 

"Goodbye grandma, granddad..I promise I will be back soon. Love you." I said and continued exiting. 

I felt a million times better once I left the cemetery. The only issue now was what was waiting for me back home. However, it was okay. It was all going to be okay. 

***Okay I know I was complaining about not being able to finish this chapter so why am I breaking it up? Lol don't get too mad at me. Once I started writing and opted for Jeremy's point of view first, I decided that he needed his own chapter. It was suppose to be more or less his story anyways (Oops). Anyways the second part will take place after Veronica came home to the half-way house. You will also find out more about her roommate, Shane. 

Dear Sims 3...

PLEASE Stop crashing. I would like to finish taking pictures for once without interruption.

I THOUGHT I fixed the issue by removing newly installed CC, but it wasn't a permanent fix. I was able to play longer than usual and took half the pictures. I just don't know anymore. I want to finish this story but between classes and my game crashing like it's going out of style is just hair pulling-ly frustrating! This week seems to be the week of everything going bad and not just my game. Anyways I don't know when I will update the story now. I just can not handle another crash screen on my PC :/