Chapter Fourteen: Something to live for Pt. 1

***This chapter contains nudity and adult situations***

Veronica laid on the hard, lumpy mattress with her heart racing and tears streaming down her face. She hadn't been able to sleep anymore. She had spent God knows how long dreaming, if you could call it that. It was a perfect nightmare. It was the lowest time in her life. She blinked and the tears fell faster. How could she have been so weak? She thought. Sadly, her mind reminded her that wasn't the worst part. And that she would re-live it just as soon as she closed her eyes. She truly was a prisoner in every sense of the word. Of her mind, her life, her addiction...she felt as if everything controlled her and she was just allowing it to happen, as if it was out of her control.

Time had passed by, even though it felt like it was standing still. Soon the lights flashed on, her cell mates stirred and an Officer was calling out for them to wake up. Veronica quickly wiped away her tears and began to sit up. Her back felt awful, but she commanded her body to move anyways. She sighed, looking at the bars and the officer on the other end.
Nightmare Round 2 has just began. Veronica thought to herself.

One month had went by. 30 days, 4 weeks, 720 hours, 43,200 minutes, and 2,592,000 seconds had passed. Time Veronica would never get back. In that time, Veronica had received her sentencing. Her options were to continue to serve time, 6 months to be exact or to go to Rehab until the Judge decided she was clean enough to rejoin society. Although nothing was found on Veronica, they had went back to get her purse at the scene. They found syringes, pill bottles that were not prescribed to her, a small back of cocaine, a half smoked joint and a small bottle of alcohol. She didn't bother trying to deny it. What would be the point? She chose the lesser of the two evils and had been shipped off to Rehab. She willingly checked herself in, but she wouldn't be able to check herself out without the Judge's consent.

With Rehab, came mandatory counseling. But she had to go, she didn't have to talk. And during her first couple of visits she didn't. Anne, her therapist, politely sat there until the 30 minute session was up each and every time. 

Today was different, today Veronica finally felt like opening up. It could be because she wasn't experiencing the withdrawal symptoms anymore. She didn't have that intense craving, cold sweat, or an uncontrollable shake anymore. She felt like, for the first time in forever, that everything was going to be alright. 

In a month, Veronica's hair had grew. And the deep under-eye circles didn't stand out so much. She looked alive. Like she was actually living and not just existing. She was standing in front of the mirror and observing her reflection. She couldn't say she was 100% happy with the person looking back, but she was starting to like herself again. And one day, maybe she'd love herself. 

A knock on the door, and her alarm going off had told her it was time. She shut off the alarm and greeted the nurse standing on the opposite side of her door. She couldn't go anywhere without some type of escort, but it was what she had chose so she'd live with it. Anne's door was open and ready for her to enter. The nurse watched her walk in before shutting the door behind her. 

"Veronica" Anne greeted happily. She was always a cheerful woman. Veronica gave her a half smile before making her way to her seat.

"How are you?" Anne asked. It was how she had begun every session, asking how she was or what was on her mind. Veronica shrugged her shoulders in response.
"You don't know?" Anne inquired. She scrunched her brows up. "Just tell me what you are thinking. It can be anything at all." Anne asked. Veronica let out a small breath of air. You wanted to talk, so talk. She told herself.
"Well.." She began. "I guess you want to know why I'm here." Veronica said. Anne nodded her head, instructing her to go on non verbally.
"It's not a straight forward answer. There are many reasons." Veronica explained.
"Well life never is straight forward is it? There are twists and turns, bumps along the way. You can start from where you want." Anne responded.

"Right." Veronica replied. "Okay" She said before she began. She was going back willingly this time. Her dreams weren't in control this time.

"My boyfriend, whom I had moved out with, was a truck driver. He was always on the road, so it wasn't rare for me to be alone. Nor was it strange to find him home at random times. This had been one of those nights. He came home shortly with McDonald's in tow. It was his way of bringing dinner home. We ate our Big Macs, fries and coke while he told me about the towns he visited and the places he saw. He always talked about his job and I enjoyed it. I felt as if I was there sometimes, going to those places with him. But of course it wasn't much to talk about. He was on the clock, he had a schedule to keep so most of what he experienced was strictly visual. Dinner ended when he said he was tired. He retired to our bedroom while I threw the remainder of our meal away. I took a shower before going to bed. 

The night was nothing special. I followed my shower with moisturizing my body, you know the usual. And then I decided I was tired too and it was time for bed. I remember glancing at the clock in the hall before I opened the door. It was just a little after 10. It really wasn't late at all. 

Instead of being greeted with soft breathing and snoring, I found Lance wide awake. He was just laying there, smiling and obviously thinking about something. 
"Can't sleep?" I had asked. He looked in my direction and his face fell a bit. 
"You're wearing that to bed?" He asked referring to my bathrobe. I looked down as if I had forgotten I was wearing it. 
"Oh. Well no, I have my pajamas on under it. " I answered. I opened the robe and revealed a pair of flannel pj's. He still looked at me with a disapproving eye. 
"I come home and this is what you wear to bed." He said with a cruel laugh. "That's no way to dress for your man." He said. 

I wanted to protest, and I did slightly.
"What's wrong with me pj's?" I asked and re-tied my robe. I loved them, they were comfortable. Besides why should I change for someone who is never at home? I had thought. 
"Well you are 18 not 50. Dress like it." He said. "I got you something." He said. 
"What is it?" I asked and nervously looked around the room. He laughed and pointed to the dresser. 

I did as I was instructed. Inside, was a red lacy piece of lingerie. I just stared at first, fearful of picking it up. But I did after sensing Lance's gaze burning a hole through my back. I picked it up in my hands. I noticed there was no tag. Did he remove it? I didn't ask. 
"Put it on." He said. His voice was lower and slightly seductive. I didn't feel completely comfortable with this, but I obliged. 

Veronica had retreated to the bathroom. Lance looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't. I did my hair and put on lipstick as well." Veronica said. She stopped talking for a moment. Anne looked at her, her eyes asking what was wrong? 

"Sorry." She apologized. She realized she was was about to tell Anne, a stranger, how she had lost her virginity. She took a deep breath and continued. 

"I had re-entered our bedroom with the flimsy outfit on. It looked as if it was barely attached to my body. And sexy was the last thing I felt. Nevertheless, if it was what Lance wanted, then it was what I'd give. I loved him that much. I risked my uncomfortable for his happiness. 

He inched closer to me until he was right behind me. I shuddered nervously. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I placed my arms over his. He felt so warm. And for a moment, just a moment, I let go of the fears and anxiety I was feeling. My stomach was still in knots and butterflies were still fluttering around, but I welcomed his embrace and warmth. 
"You're beautiful." He whispered before kissing me. His lips devoured mines hungrily. I sighed happily. No matter how uncomfortable I felt, I couldn't deny the power of his kiss. His lips alone made my heart skip a beat and my knees want to buckle. I involuntarily moaned. He smiled, breaking our kiss. Instead of returning his lips to mines he began to remove the straps of my outfit. The fear, anxiety and all of the other emotions had returned full force. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't give myself away. It didn't matter, his eyes weren't paying attention to my face. 

I felt the garment completely removed from my body. The room got even cooler. There I stood, naked and cold. My nipples tighten in response. And Lance wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me towards him and began to kiss the crock of my neck. My arms nervously went around his neck. 
"Beautiful." He whispered again. I felt anything but it, but maybe if I told myself that I was then I'd soon believe it too. 

Before I knew it, he had stripped himself too and I was on my back. His eyes filled with lust, began to kiss me all over. I don't think there was a part he had missed. Soon after, he began to stroke himself. I shyly looked away. But then I stole glances at him. I had never seen all of him before. The sight of his penis made me want to push him away and run for the hills. But I knew he would never let me get that far, so it was useless. 

He had grown in size and was completely erect.  He made his way closer to me, Penis in hand, ready to penetrate me. 

I watched with tears in my eyes, threatening to escape any minute. 

"It'll be okay." He promised and proceeded to slide it in, or try to. Instinctively, I clinched up. He looked up at me and I mumbled an apology. His second attempt was successful. I bit my finger and closed my eyes to try to escape the pain. He pushed in more and more until he was completely inside of me. I felt as if I had died and went to hell. But the pain was so intense, that I couldn't even speak. I just laid there, biting my finger and shutting my eyes. My actions were oblivious to him. 

He began to move in and out, somewhat gently at first but he quickened his pace. I felt pain, but I had mentally blocked it all out until it was as if I was numb. I could feel everything, but at the same time I couldn't. I stared at the ceiling, my eyes focused on it. I could feel warm tears stream down my face. But he didn't stop. He was too wrapped up in the pleasure that he felt, so he didn't see my pain. 

Time was at a standstill for the entire duration, but eventually it was over. I felt him withdraw from me following his climax. He collapsed next to me. He didn't hold me or tell me he loved me. It was nothing like I imagine my firs time to be. It was nothing like the movies depicted it either. He did give me a small peak on the cheek before falling asleep though. Too numb to move, and too tired to try I laid there until sleep overcame me as well. 

The next morning had arrived and I found myself laid on my stomach. I must have turned over during the night. I awoke to an empty bed with nothing but a pink rose near my head. He had tucked it right under my arm. It was a wonder the thorns hadn't stuck me. I looked at the rose and pushed it away as memories of last night invaded my thoughts. 

Raw with emotion, and the pain of the past fresh on her mind, Veronica came back to the present time. 
"I had never felt so weak in my entire life." Veronica spoke. 
"But it wasn't all bad.." Veronica said. A small smile spread across her face. 

"There was a silver lining, a rainbow at the end of the storm. A few months later, after experiencing what he called sex a few times there was hope. A reason for me to be happy. I discovered I was pregnant." 

Anne looked defeated after hearing Veronica's story. No matter how many stories she heard, each one still managed to break her heart. She smiled after hearing the hope in Veronica's voice. When she remembered the happiness her unborn child brought her. 

"Well I think that's all the time we have now." Anne announced. She wasn't sure why Veronica had shared that story with her, especially when it didn't involve her addiction. But she assumed she was connecting the dots. Giving her the full story and not just the important details. And so whenever she was ready to talk, she'd listen no matter what. 

"Okay." Veronica simply said. Fresh tears were now on her face. She picked up a tissue before standing. And wiped her face as she opened the door. 

"Ready." She told the nurse sitting outside the door. It was another woman, the other must be on break Veronica thought before heading back to her room. 

Veronica now laid on her bed. Her mind drifted back to the past, but a different memory this time. With her pregnancy with Jeremy on her mind, it was no surprise that her mind took her back there. 

_____________

She was home alone, no surprise there. She had just awoken from a nap and her mind screamed for something to quench her thirst. So she headed for the kitchen. There, a Dr. Pepper was calling her name. 

Something told her not to go straight to the Kitchen just yet. She turned to her left as she left the bedroom and felt another presence in her home. Fearful she turned around. She sighed in relief when she saw the other person was Lance. 

"Thank God." She whispered to herself. 

"Hello." She greeted. Lance didn't look happy and didn't return her greeting.

"How long?" He simply asked. She raised one brow in confusion. She could ask him the same thing, how long had he been home, but she wasn't sure where he was driving at. 

"Huh?" She asked dumbfounded. 

"Don't play dumb with me. Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" He asked. His face was now neutral but his words were cold. 
"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about." Veronica said 
"Imagine my surprise when I come home to a phone call congratulating me on a baby I knew nothing about." He spoke. Veronica's eyes widen. She turned her head to the culprit, the phone on the wall. Lance had finally gotten the number changed so it was their official home phone and she was free to use it. 
"Lance.." Veronica said. 
"Sit." He demanded. 

He waited for her to make her way to the small table and join him. 
"Lance I was going to tell you." She said after she was seated. 

"When exactly? When you were wobbling around noticeably? When your water broke?" He asked sarcastically. 
"No." Veronica replied. She didn't appreciate his tone. "When you came home. How can I tell you when you are never here?" She threw back. She was tired of being his doormat. He couldn't just say or do whatever he wanted and she would just take it. No, she wouldn't take it anymore. Her baby gave her the courage she needed. He looked taken back by her response. 
"I have to work!" He yelled. 

"That's your excuse for everything!" She yelled back, her anger matching his. 
"For weeks I have been dealing with this alone. I don't know when you're coming home so excuse me for not having a speech prepared announcing my pregnancy." She said bitterly. She willed herself to calm down. He didn't deserve to make her upset. 

"You're right." He said. She widen her eyes in shock. Did he just say she was right? 
"You heard me, I said you're right." He repeated as if reading her mind. He stood and reached for her hand. She eyed him before taking it. He pulled her up gently. 

"I'm sorry." He said softly. Gone was the anger. He looked apologetic. 
"But this means I'll have to work even more. We have a baby to support." He said before hugging her. That wasn't what she wanted to hear. But Veronica allowed him to hug her anyways. She didn't want to argue anymore. 

__________

Veronica was pulled out her past with a knock on the door. 

"Who is it?" She called out. She wiped away at her tears with the sleeve of her dress. 

"You have a visitor." The Nurse informed her. 

"A visitor?" She asked. Who would want to visit her? She wondered. 

"Just a minute." She said and got out of bed. She nervously walked to the door and pulled it open. Who stood in front of her beside the nurse was the last person she imagined seeing here.

"Hello." The voice said waiting to be invited in. Veronica blinked and was unable to speak. 

Okay, Hi I'm back :D Sorry about the cliffy, but this was becoming too long lol. And I figured this was a good place to leave it. Don't get mad at me too much please!