Chapter Six: Stuck in the middle

Daniel left his sister's apartment shortly after she finished cooking. He suddenly didn't feel much like having breakfast with her after the shots she took at his wife. They had never gotten along and he couldn't say he didn't understand why, but it sure put him in a tough spot. Why did someone always have to be right? Why did he have to pick sides? Couldn't he just be neutral? Apparently not. He was off today and was determined to enjoy it despite his day not getting off to the best start. 

He opened the door to his apartment and wondered where his wife was. She was off today as well and usually spent her time catching up on her favorite TV shows. He glanced to his right and didn't see her in the living room. He walked around the corner to their bedroom and she was no where in sight. 

He was ready to call his search off until he spotted her in the doorway of a particular room. He told himself to just turn around and walk away, but he couldn't. He shook his head at himself and headed for the room. 

As he approached Nina, he could tell her attention was fixed on something as if she was magnetically drawn to it. Actually you could say she was just drawn to the room in general. He didn't have to follow her eyes because he already knew what the object was, a crib. An empty crib. 

"Honey?" He called as he tried to reach out to her. She didn't respond to him even though he was so close by.

"Nina?" He tried again. She blinked but continued to stare at the crib. 

"Yes?" She answered softly all the while never turning to look at him.

"What are you doing in here? I thought we agreed to keep this room locked." He asked. 

"I did no such thing." She replied defensively. "You agreed to that." She said. 

"Well I think it's best for us." He clarified. It wasn't good for her to constantly worry about the children they had lost or would never have, not of their own anyways. Adoption had been his suggestion but Nina always dismissed the idea. 

"Why don't we go out or something? It's a nice day out." He suggested desperately wanting her to be anywhere but this room. 

Nina broke her trance-like state and turned towards her husband at last. 

"Why do you always do that?" She asked. Daniel looked dumbfounded. 

"What do you mean?" He asked in response to her question.

"Try to change the subject or avoid it all together!" She answered angrily. 

"I don't." Daniel replied. He didn't want to feed into whatever this was becoming. He just wanted to salvage his day but it looked like he just added fuel to the fire. Nina squinted her eyes at him. She often did that when she was upset. 

"Ignoring it doesn't make it go away!" Nina yelled. She hated when he acted as if she was crazy for remembering, crazy for being hurt, for actually feeling something. While Daniel on the other hand seem to just put a wall up and refuse to feel anything about it. 

"I don't." He said. He realized he repeated himself and knew that she would probably think he was coming off as an insensitive jerk. He wasn't or at least had no intention of sounding that way. 

"I just hate seeing you get depressed over it." He said trying to explain himself.

"I am not getting depressed." She fired back defensively. "I am feeling like a normal human being!" She shouted. Things were going so far left, Daniel regretted not turning around now. 

"But the therapist said this behavior isn't healthy. We have to move on." He reminded her. Nina held her hands up as if she couldn't believe what he was saying. 

"If there was a baby in that crib would you tell me to move on, to forget?" She asked. He looked at her confused. 

"Of course not." He answered. 

"Then don't tell me to move on now. I will grieve however I damn well please." She stated dismissively. She wanted to end the conversation there and be left alone.

"Honey you can't forget a child when it's literally here..that's crazy." Daniel said. 

"Veronica certainly has no problem doing it. She has two kids that she ignores constantly." Nina said bitterly. Daniel sighed loudly. 

"We are not talking about my sister." He said. He was beginning to feel exasperated by all of this, by the constantly putting one another down his wife and sister did with one each other. 

"Why not?" She asked. Nina folded her arms and rolled her eyes. "Did you even talk to her?" She inquired. 

"About what?" He asked and held his hands out. He was becoming mentally drained because of these two and it wasn't even noon yet. 

"About her addiction and her seeking help!" Nina yelled. He could be so oblivious. Nina thought he must be blind if he couldn't tell she was using again. 

"She doesn't have one." He replied in his sister's defense. At least she didn't to his knowledge. 

"Yes she does." Nina insisted. "And those boys deserve better." Nina said. 

"What is better, here with us? Is that what this is all about?" Daniel asked as his tone rose. Nina gasped as if he insulted her. 

"Don't try to make this about me. Don't insinuate that I only care because I am so desperate for a child." She said. Her face fell and the hurt was evident. 

"You are twisting my words. I never said that." He said. Daniel was at the end of his rope. If he took his sister's side then his wife would be hurt and upset. If he took Nina's side, then Veronica felt as if he was breaking some type of family code. "Blood is thicker than water" She'd always say. He never understood what that meant. Nina was his family, they were married for goodness sake. He couldn't win for losing and he was sick of it. 

"Not directly." She said softly. "But you still made your true feelings painfully clear." She said as her voice began to crack. Daniel's arms dropped to his sides. He felt defeated and just stood there as Nina walked off. 

                                                         _____________________

Daniel wasn't sure how long he stood there as if his feet were glued to the floor, but he went to seek out his wife. She hadn't went far. He found her sitting on the sofa and her face looked as if she was in deep thought. 

"Nina?" He said softly. Like before, she was continuing to looking straight ahead. 

"I deserve that." He said in response to her ignoring him. "But I am sorry. I don't mean to sound nonchalant when it comes to the miscarriages we've had. I care Nina. You don't know how many times I've had to sneak off and cry." He explained. She turned her head briefly to look at him but still remained silent. "I had to. If I cried in front of you then how could I be any help to you? One of us had to be strong." He answered. She hadn't asked him to but her look said enough. She looked at him understandingly. Nina knew deep down that he cared too she just wanted him to say it once in a while. 

"And about Veronica." He started. Nina turned away at the mention of his sister's name. "I am not as blind as you think. I just want to give her a chance. I can't go accusing her without proof. What if that just makes her start up again? That would do nothing but hurt the boys. I have to just observe and if I see anything out of the ordinary then I'll act on it." He finished. Nina wasn't completely happy with his answer but she understood. 

Nina slid closer to him and placed her head on his shoulders. Tears began to fall from her face, but not because she was sad. She felt like she finally broke through the barrier he had put up. She wasn't alone in remembering their lost children and he wasn't totally blind to his sister's behavior. She just wished he was more observant. But she felt like something was accomplished and didn't want to push it. 

The couple stayed in the living room for the majority of the day. The day was spent watching movies and laughing and just enjoying being in one another's company. 

Night had soon approached and they were calling an end to their day. Sleep quickly overtook Daniel, but Nina was left wide awake. Her mind wouldn't let her rest. She kept thinking about a conversation she had with her mother-in-law before she got sick and took a turn for the worst. They were having lunch at a small sandwich shop downtown. The woman had confided in her and told her a secret, one that she had been keeping from Daniel ever since. She had told Nina that Veronica was back to her old ways and if something was to happen to her that she wanted them to take the boys. Nina of course promised to do whatever she could to make sure the boys were safe. However at the time, No one expected her to fall ill so fast. Nina never thought she would have to fully uphold her promise.